Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Woefully Short of His Glory

What a whirlwind it has been since Great Lent and Holy Week. Even though I have been attending an Orthodox church for several years now, this was my first Pascha as an Orthodox Christian, and I noticed a big difference. For me, it was the difference between watching a game from the sidelines and actually being in the game. The hymns seemed deeper; the fast seemed more intense and effective. The anticipation of the resurrection was stronger than it has ever been in my entire Christian life!

Now, it seems as if God is testing my faith (James 1). And, I am failing miserably! It hasn't been pure joy, and I have reacted, not in trust, but in a pathetically carnal way. As if I had either no hope or no trust in God at all. As if my circumstances were random acts unnoticed by our Heavenly King. As if God has been taken by surprise as well and doesn't really know what to do to help me out.

Of course, the reality is that He is fully in control. I have begged for God's forgiveness for my lack of trust in Him and for responding to my circumstances in such an unspiritual fashion. For all my blathering about my faith on this blog, I too am weak, lost, and in need of God's great mercy now and forever. As much as I would love to react to my circumstances with the peace and calm of our Lord, I fall so woefully short and need Him entirely.


s-p said...

Post Lenten Orthodox bloggers take a couple weeks to get assimilated back into the blogosphere. Welcome back. Lent is my favorite season, but I'm always glad when its over. Now if I can only hold onto the lessons until next Lent.

Nicodemus said...

No doubt! I can already sense the lessons fading away into the canopy everyday life - the intensity of Lent is gone, but I should not for a moment let my guard down. The enemy is still prowling around, and is still as relentless as always. Thank God that His grace abounds more and more as we need it.

Not to get too heavy here, but my mother passed away a couple of weeks ago as well (which is part of the current trial I am experiencing) - that is also part of the reason I have not been blogging much. Thanks for welcoming me back. I hope to get back to a normal blogging routine as soon as possible - hopefully this week.

s-p said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Mother. May her memory be eternal. I pray you grieve well.