The Lights Are Back On

I started a new job not long ago, and I met someone who is also a blogger (His blog is Benedictus). I mentioned my blog to him, and after he read some of my posts, he encouraged me to pick it back up again. I have left it dormant for over two years, and I have been taken off the blog rolls of other bloggers. I guess I had unrealistic expectations when I first started. I tried to model my blog after someone who wrote frequently, and I just couldn't keep up, so I figured I was not meant for this game. Then, as I looked around at other blogs, many do not have new posts every other day or every week for that matter. I was setting the bar too high. On that note, I will do what I have noticed a lot of bloggers do: write when I am moved by a thought, an experience, a conversation or a great quote. I am hoping I pick up some new readers and regain some old ones. Even if none pass this way, I feel I will be sharing with the online world what God has given me and allow Him to do with it what He will. May God's blessing be on these writings and on you as you stop by and visit in your online adventures.

Woefully Short of His Glory

What a whirlwind it has been since Great Lent and Holy Week. Even though I have been attending an Orthodox church for several years now, this was my first Pascha as an Orthodox Christian, and I noticed a big difference. For me, it was the difference between watching a game from the sidelines and actually being in the game. The hymns seemed deeper; the fast seemed more intense and effective. The anticipation of the resurrection was stronger than it has ever been in my entire Christian life!

Now, it seems as if God is testing my faith (James 1). And, I am failing miserably! It hasn't been pure joy, and I have reacted, not in trust, but in a pathetically carnal way. As if I had either no hope or no trust in God at all. As if my circumstances were random acts unnoticed by our Heavenly King. As if God has been taken by surprise as well and doesn't really know what to do to help me out.

Of course, the reality is that He is fully in control. I have begged for God's forgiveness for my lack of trust in Him and for responding to my circumstances in such an unspiritual fashion. For all my blathering about my faith on this blog, I too am weak, lost, and in need of God's great mercy now and forever. As much as I would love to react to my circumstances with the peace and calm of our Lord, I fall so woefully short and need Him entirely.

To Blog or Not To Blog...

I recently felt convicted about being out here blogging my heart out. This conviction came when I was reading this post and its comments on The Path. Even before I read it, I had thought about closing down shop. I started the blog last year, and it is really just a hobby. As far as feeling 'compelled to share my story', I have had plenty of outlets for that. For instance, I have been in many email conversations with my Protestant friends; the local major newspaper in our area has allowed me to write about my Orthodox journey in their Faith section; I recently completed my college degree which required a final project and a paper explaining the vision of my life - both highly engaging and involved writing projects that more than met this need for sharing. My former pastor also wanted me to write to him explaining my journey as completely as possible so he could understand why I made the jump.

So, did I need this self-indulgent, vainglorious blog? Did I really need to spill my private thoughts to the world. Did I really need another way to be accountable for all of my idle words on Judgement Day?

I am beginning to think Marshall McLuhan was right when he said that in the electronic age, we lose our privacy. It seems as if the internet with YouTube, MySpace, FaceBook, Blogger and all of the other outlets available to become a self-made superstar, are making his statement true - and we are doing it willingly!

But, on a positive note, perhaps this blog and others like it provide a word of encouragement, a new and refreshing way of looking at the world or understanding the Faith, or just enough of a nudge to cause you to write something worthwhile and helpful on your own blog.

My personal feeling is that if you write a blog, that it isn't necessarily a self-indulgent thing (although it certainly can be), but that, like the servants who were given talents to put to good use until the Master's return, bloggers believe they are contributing something to the world that the Master has given them. We may not be able to necessarily double our efforts as they did in the parable, but we aren't burying them either. We are sharing our unique perspective endowed by our All-Holy God who brings Life to the world.

I am no Hemmingway or Shakespeare, but by God's life-giving Grace, I pray I do what I can with what He has given me.

New Year, New Day, New Stuff

Ok, a new year has started and it is time to take blogging a little more seriously. As I look back, I think about why I have procrastinated posting anything. I guess I was hoping each blog would be a masterpiece or have something profound to say. This year, I am simply going to make it more random and laid back - simply talk about life and God and Orthodox stuff. I am not a deacon, a priest or a bishop, therefore the pressure of being perfect in my blogs should not be so severe. At the same time, I never want to misrepresent the Faith and cause a seeking person to reject Orthodoxy because of something I've said. Lord have mercy.

I have missed not posting more frequently, and I have missed not responding to other blogs. God willing, I will be out there amongst you, fellowshipping in cyberspace and hopefully contribute a random thought that strikes a chord in your beautiful soul.